JF make 118
JF Nav
JF Nav
Creation Date: 2002-03-24
Fear of success is not a good thing. You may have this phobia and not know it. Often people do not think of their own irrational behavior instead looking at other people's "worse" irrational behavior. A symptom of phobia is lack of a steady job. If you cannot stand any project (no matter how fun) for more than three months, count yourself in. Another symptom is a large resume. If you have a dozen schools in a dozen states, forty jobs in twenty states, and ten jobs in different countries, but are only twenty years old, you are a wanderer and likely fear success. Of course, many very successful people wander, so don't be afraid if you have a bunch of projects that all turned out fairly well. I myself suffer from this fear. I don't know when it started, but all the time I find myself avoiding doing fun stuff. Such as Javantea's Fate. My brain makes up excuses to justify not doing JF tonight. "I'm tired and I need to go to sleep." "It's already 2 AM and you have to get up at 7:30 AM tomorrow, skip JF tonight." "No one reads JF, why bother?" "Skip it tonight and do two tomorrow and say that it must be a problem with your ISP." "Copy something from the JF Dev pages, no one will think less of you!" "Give in a bit tonight and you will thank me tomorrow." Have you heard yourself or someone say stuff like that? It's excuses that destroy your creativity and productivity. A person who strives to do their best only when it suits them will lose every time against a person who gives their all everytime. So tonight, I faced my fear of success and messed around with two of my programs: AltSci3D Terrain Works 2 CPP and AltSci3d Manga Producer 3 CPP. You can see the result of eight hours of work this weekend there. It's not much and I've been slacking, but only when I forget my fear can I do stuff like this.

The specs of TW2 are: variable level of detail, 3d terrain, generated automatically from a BMP heightmap. The intended specs for TW2 are: on-screen editability, buildings, neighborhoods, editable road texture, parks, waterways, and highways. Those are some big specs, but I already have most of it working. MP3 (not to be confused with music mp3) has the current specs of: editable text, sizable and movable ellipse, and editable direction-mark (angle, width, length). It's more of a demo than a program. The intended specs are: sizable text box, variable justified text (left, center, right, justified), pictures behind captions (such as JF is currently done), captions with boxes, text with no boxes, and variable fonts. The only bug in the ellipse is that it is not exactly closed and sometimes leaves a divit on the opposite side of the open side. You can see it if you zoom in. That won't make it look bad, it'll just be one pixel white instead of black, but I'll probably have to put a bit of code to fix it.


I forgot to say last night a friend invited me to go see Bach "Mass in minor B" performed by the Seattle Symphony. It was magnificent. I really liked it and my non-Christian friend liked the music quite a bunch. It was all in Latin. What inspired me was that it really focused on the important parts of Christianity. He left no room for topics of subjective importance. I'll post the text of it if anyone is interested. I certainly recommend that people get a bit of culture at the Seattle Symphony if they live here. My friend is also looking forward to Ray Charles this summer. She gets ticket for free from where she works, so it's quite a nice place. One down side is that you ought to wear nice clothes and stay perfectly silent through the show. I failed at both. My clothes were not very good, I don't have a tie, I was unshaven, my hair was a mess, and I almost choked half an hour into it. But now I know: eat a well rounded meal before the Symphony, hit your parents up for money for dress clothes weeks in advance, drink plenty of water before and at intermission, and remember to breathe during the performance.

Lately, I've been dreaming. No, I do not dream in color. I don't even think I dream in shades of grey. It's mainly white with black outlines, just like manga. It's been quite counterproductive and I wish that it would stop. They aren't so much a nightmare as a waste of time. And that is a nightmare far worse than any evil that I can think of. Nightmares only last until I wake up, but dreams that slow to a stop last until noon when I finally wake up. The truth is that I have rarely ever dreamed while sleeping in my life. Dreaming while awake is far easier and more creative. Part of it is all the books that I've been reading lately. The Lord of the Rings trilogy, the first Harry Potter, The Strawberry Statement, Geodesic Dreams, and rereading Battle Angel Alita.

Here's what I dreamed last night. Don't think I'm weird, it's just kinda odd. I've snuck into this giant castle filled with - you guessed it- giants. I must be three feet tall and pudgy or something and these people are about twelve feet high. It doesn't matter much because the only sneaking I do is between being seen. I watch the people and am plotting attack or something. I don't do anything because for some reason I'm after one of them. I'm after the short young girl who can see me and talks to me, but no one pays attention to her. I sneak from the dining hall to the kitchen and to the bedrooms. For some reason, by being so small I am also very slow which means that whatever I do, everyone else is ahead of me. So after watching them eat and going to the kitchen, by the time that the butler brings out dessert and I am headed to the bedrooms, everyone else is in bed already. But the young girl that I'm looking for is not in her bed. Her two sisters are asleep in bunk beds her room. Then my alarm goes off. I turn my alarm off and go back to bed and the dream continues, but alas, it is very sketchy and very slow. So I look in each room of the house listening for noise or wondering if the girl has disappeared. Finally I get to a room where she is and I cannot continue the dream. She's lying on a sofa reading a book. I can't see what book it is but I'm terribly interested because I don't know what to say to her. I wake up at noon and that is the end of the dream. As you can see, the dream is interesting, but without conclusion, it's hardly worth sleeping in for.

Perhaps I've uncovered what movies lack: imagination. Being able to see things really reduces the need for imagination. It also requires far less intellectual thinking. I wonder what some of the great American authors would do with the visual medium? Would the simply draw what they saw or would they need to make it stylized? I would think that "Howl" by Allen Ginsberg would not be possible in visual. It's not a documentary and it's definately not a silly drama. So what is the difference between stationary pictures, animated movies, and words? I will not attempt to discuss it now, but I would like to.

Home Characters Making Of Technical Mail News Links |< First < Prev Next > Latest >|  bandwidth version Goto Scene